Backwards Economy

Right now I'm reading in Proverbs, and I'm reading it in the Message paraphrase.  This morning this verse struck me.


Proverbs 11:24 - The world of the generous gets larger and larger; the world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller.


It struck me in a few different ways.  It would be easy to think that this verse is describing some sort of mystic backwards financial strategy - the more money I give away, the more money I will get.  That somehow God will bless me more financially for giving to others.  To be honest, that's the first thing that came to mind for me.


But I don't think that is what this verse is saying.  I don't even know if this verse is about money primarily.  We can be generous with money, but also with our time, our love, our talents, our possessions, our homes.  


And the world getting larger and larger for the generous?  I think this is about people, not financial return.   As Shane Claiborne would say, this is about a new economy where money loses its power, where the more you give to others, the larger your community becomes and the more we take care of one another.  


The world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller because those who hold onto their money, time and love with clenched fists are only trying to take care of themselves.  They are hoarders of their wealth, cautious with their hearts and because of that their world is confined to the places and people they feel they can control.


The world of the generous gets larger and larger because they are consistently touching more and more peoples lives.  Giving of our money, time, or love doesn't necessarily mean we will get those things back in exact or larger portions, but I think it does mean that God will use our expanding family and community to take care of us when a need arises.  With a perspective of abundance and reliance on God, we love one another, care for one another's needs and burdens, and continue to embrace those who God brings our way.  

Perspective: Gratitude

One week ago along with my youth group, I was at All Ontario Youth Convention and had the opportunity to  hear Shane Claiborne speak.  One week later, I'm still digesting some of the things I heard that pricked my heart.  One of the questions that I've been faced with this past week is - what does it mean to live a life of gratitude?


Here are some of my own thoughts from this past week that normally would appear normal, but are really born out of an ungrateful heart...

• Pregnancy is getting really uncomfortable - swollen feet and hands, hurts to walk, hurts to sleep
• That angry customer I just talked to was a major pain in the neck
• I'm bored
• I wish I had enough money to buy...
• Waking up in the middle of the night is getting very frustrating 
• The rooms in my house are too small, I wish we had more space
• It's hot outside
• and on and on and on....

This past week when thoughts like this have come to mind, some of them have actually caught my attention and made me stop and think.  I need to foster a heart of gratitude instead of self-focused entitlement.  When I think of Jesus, of His love and grace, of the ways God has blessed me, and when I broaden my view to think of others, what they are facing and going through, there is no reason to live ungrateful.

• I have a beautiful baby growing inside of me when others have not been able to conceive or carry a baby to term
• I have access to incredible health care that will allow this baby to come into the world healthy and strong, and that will take care of me
• I have been blessed with a great job that I enjoy, great staff to work with, and a steady income
• If someone is angry on the phone, I do not know their life situation and what they are going through.  And I have the Spirit with me, to walk with me if I feel hurt by anothers words
• God provides 
• I have a house, I have a bed, these are incredible gifts that millions of people go without
• I live in a wonderful country with changing seasons that all have their own beauty.
• No matter what I struggle with, God does not treat me as I deserve, but as a Father with his daughter, He treats me with love, grace and forgiveness.  And He walks with me as I try to become more like Him.

I want to live in gratitude each day for who God is and what He has done in my life.  The thing is, it does not stop at merely feeling grateful.  From hearing Shane speak, a life of gratitude goes much further.  It may start with expressing thanks to God, using words, prayers and musical worship to try and express that gratitude.  This is very appropriate and a great response to God for all He has done for us.  But it does not stop there.  

A life of gratitude looks around and says "this is too good to keep to myself" (Shane).  It gives birth to amazing generosity, reckless sharing, and an opening of ones hands and heart.  A life of gratitude looks at the blessings God has given to me - Love, Grace, financial security, food, possessions, knowledge, talents, etc. and says - "I want to let God bless others through me."  Whatever we have in our hands that God has given to us, we can choose to hold onto tightly, or we can use to love and bless others.  A life of gratitude loves and blesses others - and spreads the love and grace of Jesus all over.

This is something I'm still trying to figure out.  And I know God will walk with me through this.  I think it starts with a perspective change, like I was encountering this past week - recognizing my closed hand attitudes of ungratefulness, and choose to instead look with a heart of gratitude at each moment, each joy and struggle I face.  

Not Far Off

How do we deal with those moments where suddenly (or not so suddenly) God feels far away?  


Last night as I fell asleep my prayer to God was simply saying "I feel like you're far away," and not knowing what else I should say or do to "fix" that.  After a somewhat restless sleep, when I woke up my mind was immediately filled with thoughts of God's love for me.  And I marvelled and thanked Him that His love is so much greater than our love.  He does not move away from us, but when we turn away from Him, and then turn back, He is right there.


I had a similar moment a few months ago.  I was struggling with prayer (still am...).  And at a youth retreat weekend called Shape, we were given time to just sit and be alone with God, to listen for His voice.  So I was talking to Him about how I was struggling with prayer, and I felt the Spirit say "I am not far off.  When you pray, I am right there listening."  


Often since then when I'm not sure what to pray, or when I'm feeling like I did last night, that somehow I have gotten distracted and moved away from God, I feel the prompting of His Spirit say "Remember, I am not far off..."  


I think often when we get to the point where we can feel a distance between us and God, it comes after a longer time of ignoring what is taking us away from Him.  The reason could be sin, fear, or simply busyness and distraction.  I have experienced each of these.  Often I am simply choosing to fill my mind and time with silly things and not putting God first in my life.  Other times, like right now, I have something I am worried about, and rather than surrendering it to Him, I let this distance grow.  


But when I feel God say "I am not far off," I am reminded that the road back to closeness with God is not long and arduous.  There may be things I have to deal with, but getting back to God is as simple as turning around and recognizing that He is right there waiting.  He is not far off.  When I recognize how I have stepped away and when I let Him turn me around, His love is right there to surround me once again.  

Movement

I love baby movement!  I have been feeling my baby move for about 13 weeks and I have not gotten over it yet.  When the baby moves, it is a sign of life and a sign of growth.  As an expectant mother, it is always a positive thing to feel my baby move.  


But what about for the baby?  I know that every time he (or she) moves, it is not out of excitement and joy of being alive!  Sometimes he is cramped and uncomfortable, trying to find a better position.  Sometimes he is reacting to external stimuli.  If I drink something cold, he might be moving away from that odd sensation.  If there is a loud noise, he might be startled.  If there is a big change from dark to light, again the baby is reacting to something that is new or uncertain.  


Other times the baby is reacting to the sound of my voice talking or singing.  Or he is just awake and moving around for fun.  


But I take all movement as good - all movement is a sign that this baby is growing and alive!  


It has made me wonder...  When we cry out to God in hard circumstances, when we figuratively (or literally?) kick and scream over discomfort in our lives, when we react to new or uncomfortable things - does God get excited because these are signs of life?  Does He say - Yes!  She's growing, she's going through things that are going to develop her character and make her more into the woman I'm forming her to be! 


I know this is too simplistic - I know that God grieves with us when we grieve, that He is bringing His Kingdom, and He is in the process of making all things new, doing away with pain, suffering and death.  And I know He tells us to cast our cares on Him because He cares for us.  But I still wonder if from His perspective, when we struggle and wrestle with hard things, if to Him this is a sign of life and growth that excites Him for what He knows is coming.  

Anticipating Change

Today I am thankful for...

• Feeling weightless, floating in a pool, when normally right now I'm feeling very weighed down
• Buffet breakfasts
• Finding sweet deals!
• Quality time with my amazing best friend and husband
• Gelato!
• Taking the scenic route
• The hope we feel of what's all to come in the next few months
• Continued daily kicking sessions from my little baby
• My amazing husband who walks painfully slow with me because of my cramping body, who trusts me and loves me, who can put Ikea furniture together like none other!
• Days that have no schedule or agenda, just open possibility before you
• Rest
• Rearranging furniture
• Love

Jesus Last Hours

If I knew I was going to die within the next 24 hours, what would I do?  This sounds like a creepy icebreaker question at a party, but it is actually the question I started my day off with yesterday.  


I think if I did know I was going to die within the next day, I would be very sad and scared.  Not scared without hope, because I know I am in God's hands - but still scared of the unknown experience ahead.  I would cry and hug my husband and make sure he knows how deeply I love him.  I'm not sure if there is much more I would be capable of doing in a moment like that.  


Yesterday was Good Friday, the day we remember that Jesus died for us, that He willingly endured the torture of death on a cross so that he could extend God's grace and love to every one of us.  So the night before Jesus died, while He knew what was about to happen, what did Jesus do?


I spent some time yesterday reading John chapters 13 to 19.  This is what Jesus did in the hours before being arrested, put on trial, and crucified.  He was with his disciples, teaching them, comforting them, preparing them for what was ahead.  In these last hours, His words to His disciples included these - 


Serve each other, as I have served you
Love each other, as I have loved you
Trust in Me
Peace I leave with you
Do not be afraid
Remain in Me
I chose you
Listen to the Spirit I will send, learn from Him
There is sadness ahead, but there is even greater joy ahead!
In this world you will have trouble, but take heart - I have overcome the world.


And then He prayed for them (and for us!) - 
For them to know God and therefore have real life in God 
For them to be unified, as Jesus is unified with the Father
For protection, to remain faithful to the Truth in a world of evil and lies.
For maturity, for oneness, for God and His love to be seen in them


Jesus, knowing He was mere hours from death, poured love onto His disciples.  Taught them and strengthened them with words that they wouldn't even understand until later.  Jesus did not succumb to fear of what was ahead for himself, but turned to his disciples to comfort and prepare them for what was ahead for them.  


I am amazed by my Lord, my Saviour, of His selfless love, His willing sacrifice, His offer of grace to me and to everyone.  By His wounds we are healed.

Quiet Space

My life is often not only busy, but noisy.  Not necessarily always physical, outward noise, but inner noise.  Inner noise to me includes everything from my thoughts and worries each day, trying to multi-task, constantly being on the computer, facebook and watching tv or movies.  Noise.  Even if I'm in a quiet room, often my mind is full of noise.  


This noise drowns out my hearts movements, as well as the Spirit's voice in my life. This is one reason that lately I have been pursuing what I am calling Quiet Space.  


Now, many Christians try to have a "quiet time" which usually means trying to carve out a small or large piece of time each day to read the bible, reflect, and pray.  This is great, but this is not what I'm talking about exactly.  Since January I have only actually experienced this quiet space twice, and both times were prompted by God's Spirit, not my own desire and decision to make it happen.  It was not me saying that I was going to take a half hour to be quiet with God, but it was Him nudging me to drop what I was doing and come be with Him.  And both times were profoundly enriching and restoring to my soul.  


It is as if there is a first level of being in a physically quiet place, then a deeper level of quieting the heart and mind, and this quiet space is even deeper in that my soul itself is quiet.  I think this is why it is not a daily experience as it is very hard to get to this place.  But it makes me hungry for more of this vulnerability and quiet before my Creator and Saviour.  To be fully present in my entire being with Him, with no agenda or timeframe, but to just be with Him, open and listening.


For years I have been asking God for more of Himself.  I feel this is part of the answer to that prayer, and its not what I expected, but it is so good.