The Joys and Scars of Motherhood

This morning I am feeling grateful that I was able to celebrate Mothers Day yesterday for the first time as a Mom. It has been great to celebrate my Mom in the past as a daughter, but now I'm also one of the ones being celebrated. This past ten months has been a wild ride but so full of laughter, fun and love. It's something you can never go back from. No matter where life leads now, I will always be a mother.

One thing I have been contemplating leading up to Mothers Day is that motherhood inevitably includes both joy and scars. The joy comes in millions of moments like your first ultrasound, holding your baby for the first time, a first year filled with many firsts - smiling, rolling, crawling, walking. There is joy in watching your children grow, develop their own personality and identity, learning and becoming amazing people along the way. The joyful moments are plenty, but there are also moments that cause scars.

For some, motherhood includes the scars of waiting, longing, and even losing.
There are the physical scars of growing, stretching and giving birth.
There are life changes and personal sacrifices that can never fully be anticipated.
There are heart battle wounds from needing to discipline your child, from watching them make mistakes and get hurt, and from moving from being their closest companion to seeing them be embarrassed by you in front of their friends.
There are the bittersweet mile markers of a life-long process of your child becoming an independent adult that include everything from taking your child to daycare to helping them move out after high school to watching them start a life of their own.

Being a mother is a beautiful thing. But even in my first year of it there has been both joy and pain, both memories that I will cherish all my life and scars that will always be a part of who I now am.

So whether you have given birth to a child, raised a child or even just longed for a child, Happy Mothers Day! Be aware of God's presence with you through all the moments motherhood brings.

A Haven

Recently I was talking with some good friends about being wives, mothers, and how we see our roles in the family. It was wonderful to engage in such encouraging and uplifting conversation. One of the women talked about how she sees a big part of her role as making the home a haven for her children, and especially her husband. That as he works out of the home and takes part in various leadership roles, she purposes to make their home a place he can retreat to and find love, security and comfort. A haven.

A haven is a peaceful place in the midst of danger. A dry place to find cover from the pouring rain. A safe place to be vulnerable. A loving place to be truly yourself. It is where you set out from and where you return to. Where you are strengthened and embraced.

As a wife and mother, I love the idea of viewing our home as a haven, and viewing one of my roles in our family as creating and maintaining that safe environment. Our daughter is still in a stage where she does not often leave our care. I hope that at this point her entire awareness is love, comfort and being taken care of. So as I have been thinking about how I can make my home a haven, I have primarily been thinking about how to do this for my husband. Right now I am on maternity leave and Kevin is working full time.When I do go back to work, I am thankful my job is one I can easily leave at work. Kevin's primary work is in a ministry position that requires him to invest not only his time, but his heart as well. He holds a position with more responsibility and weight to it. It is good, and it is tiring.  I love the idea of being intentional about making our home a haven for him to come home to. I have spent some time thinking of a few things I can do to make our home a haven for Kevin.

First of all, I can take care of him. Do the daily life things that make him feel cared for. Make a tasty, healthy meal at the end of the day. Keep his clothes clean and dry. Take the few moments it takes to tidy the house before he gets home. Buy the groceries and bake the treats. And I have been learning more and more to do these things without asking for his opinion. He can truly feel at home and relax when these things are taken care of for him.

Next, I can share his burdens. Listen, without talking. Let him share his heart and help him figure things out. Be his sounding board. Support him through hard days and tough decisions. Recognize the responsibilities he has, the pressure he is under, and be the woman he comes home to when he needs to let it all out. Be his wife, his best friend, his confidante. Be trustworthy.

Finally, I can love him unconditionally. This includes all of the above and so much more. Make him feel noticed. Have fun and laugh. Hug and kiss. Let him be himself and make sure he knows he is accepted just as he is. Be aware of his needs and purpose to meet them out of love, not duty. Spend time with him. Make him aware of how you feel about him.

These ideas are really just an attempt to put words to a heart attitude. Is being a wife simply my half of a marriage contract that means cooking, cleaning and taking care of children? Or is being a wife a sacred privilege in which I get to uphold this man I love in both simple and significant ways? I want my husband to feel strengthened when he sets out each morning, and embraced when he returns home each day. I want him to feel our home is his haven.


I would love to hear your thoughts. If you are a wife or mother, or even if you just think about how you can make a haven for yourself, please feel free to leave a comment.

Out of Reach

My  baby girl was just recently in a stage where when she wanted to move forwards, she actually ended up moving backwards. (She has since progressed to a forward motion baby-style army crawl, but not yet to full out crawling). It was super cute to watch. You could see the look in her eyes when a toy was just out of reach. She wanted that toy, and was determined to get there. But the harder she tried to reach for it, push up on her arms and kick her legs, the further away she would get from it. I'm sure other parents are familiar with this stage. You can leave the room for just a few minutes, and come back to find your little one caught in some obscure corner of the room between the wall, the couch and the side table, not able to get out. Or as one of my friends experienced, the baby would end up under the couch with just her little fingers sticking out. Obviously this causes serious frustration in these developing mini people. Not only can they not reach the toy they want, but they end up in a totally unexpected, awkward and possibly even painful spot. Stuck and unable to get to where they want to be.

Sometimes I feel like this happens as we try to live Christ-like lives. I can see the life I want - living in freedom, experiencing intimacy with God, walking daily in step with the Spirit, reaching a place of victory over this struggle or that one. And yet the more I try to get there, the worse off I seem to get. The harder I try, the more I move backwards. The more I move backwards, the more frustrated I get. Remind anyone else of Romans chapter 7? "Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Thankfully it is not about trying harder to get there. Becoming more like Christ is not an object just out of reach. Instead, it is something the Spirit does inside of us. More like a baby growing. There does come a day when they can move forward and get to the toy, but it isn't accomplished purely by their will to get there and keep trying. It is accomplished by the growth that is happening in their body that over time gives them the strength to crawl forward and go places they have not been able to go before. Likewise, the Spirit is transforming us on the inside, so that one day that spiritual fruit that seems completely out of reach becomes a part of who He has made you to be.

I Can Be A Super-Model

No, no, not the long legs, size 0, walking the runway in five inch heels type of supermodel. I'm pretty certain that is not a possibility in my future. But I can be a super model.

The other day I was thinking and dreaming about Jordyn; who she will become, what interests she will have, what life choices she will make someday. I realized that even though I want her to make her own choices, I will still greatly influence how she makes those choices.