Redefine: Struggle vs. Growth

I often use the word "struggle" to describe the various things I face each day that I find difficult. If I ate one (or five) too many cookies that day, I "struggled" with my eating habits. If I finally dragged myself out of bed after pushing the snooze button four times, I "struggled" with waking up early. If I did not get all the things on my to-do list accomplished, I "struggled" with housework, and therefore "struggled" with some negative self talk as well for the rest of that day. I probably struggle with something every day, and I have a few areas in my life that I would say I struggle with on an ongoing basis.

Redefine Part 3: Kingdom Living vs. Self-Willed Living

This post has been a beast for me to get out. I started it at least a month ago. It has been hard to write because it is still in process in my life. It is not something I have learned and can reflect on, it is something I am learning and processing each day.

When you hear the word "productivity", does it stoke the fires of your inner drive, or douse the flames of your inner carefree spirit?

I have been a new mom now for over four months, and most days I am at home taking care of Jordyn, putzing around the house, doing what needs to get done. And there is always a good list of things that need to get done. Laundry, dishes, sweeping, dusting, on and on and on.  I am not a task driven person, however, so constantly feeling required to be productive is not easy for me.  Feeling like I need to accomplish housework and keep everything in

Redefine Part 2: Surrender vs. Decide

If you have ever heard the same story told by two different people, you know that different perspectives can completely change the outlook on a situation.  For example…

Viewpoints Video

The exact same sequence of events seen from different points of view can make you come to different conclusions.

This is something I have been thinking about when it comes to having a relationship with God.  Do we decide to follow God?  Doesn’t God pursue us?  Love us first before we even know it?  But even still, it is still my choice to follow God, right?

There is a familiar chorus that says, “I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back.”  I feel that many Christians would say that they made a decision to follow Jesus, that after careful thought and consideration, or after a certain clarifying moment in their lives, they decided to commit their lives to God.  And from their perspective, that is how it feels – I was not following God, and then for various reasons, I decided to follow Him.  Though God is obviously a part of this decision, it really puts the responsibility and direction of our relationship with God in our hands.

But from the perspective of looking back on my life, when I take in the sequence of events that I have gone through, it becomes much clearer how active God has been in my life, how He has lead me and guided me with His loving kindness.  He has pursued me with gentleness and love.  He has been patient through my half-hearted growth and He has been faithful despite my erratic devotion.  He has not changed, but has consistently drawn me closer to Himself, wooing me and showing me the depth of His love.  And for my part, I stumble and stammer, sometimes walking with Him, and other times losing my footing. 

Realizing all of this, the idea of “I have decided…” does not seem to be appropriate.  If “decided” is the right word, then I have had to make that decision over and over again.  Yet somehow, I know that I have a relationship with God that is not lost despite my ups and downs. 

I am starting to think a much more appropriate term for the beginning and continuing of my relationship with God is Surrender.  This is still an action on my part, but with much more recognition of God’s hand working in me.  I have surrendered my life to Jesus.  And as I continue to walk imperfectly through this life, I will continue to surrender different aspects of my heart to Him as He leads me, as He molds me and shapes me.  I have surrendered my desire to be the one making decisions but instead desire to have Jesus as Lord and Master.  

Redefine Part 1 : Wisdom vs. Requests

Everyday we all operate out of internal constructs that tell us how life works and how we should live.  We have been taught through life experiences, through other people, through education, and many other influences, that this is how things are.  For example, if someone has continuously had people hurt them - parents, friends, lovers - they learn in their mind and heart that people cannot be trusted, and they begin operating out of this idea.  They close their hearts to love, keep others at arms length, and assume that only they can take care of and provide for themselves.   

There is definitely a danger when these narratives in our lives are false.  We usually end up hurting ourselves or others, and rob ourselves of the fullness of life we could have.  In my own life changing these false ideas has been often difficult, but always worth it in the end.  Sometimes the realization that I am living out of an incorrect view of things is a long uncovering process in my heart, and other times it takes mere seconds to recognize a false narrative for what it is and adopt a new perspective.  Lately I have experienced this a few times, and I want to explore here how these things are being redefined.

Prayer.  How do we pray?  What do we pray for?  I have to admit, like most people I know in the Christian community, it is very easy to pray and ask God to do things for me.  God, please make it not rain on that day we have an outdoor event.  God, please help me do well on my test.  God, please help us drive safely as we travel.  God, please make my baby sleep.

Please make my baby sleep – this is the prayer I was about to pray a few weeks ago when Jordyn was having a really rough day.  But as I was sitting there, holding her, it struck me that she is a baby.  And babies cry.  And cry.  And do not always sleep well.  I cannot expect that every time she is cranky, I can pray, and God will make her sleep. 

So I started to think about what I pray for, and what I should pray for.  There is a big difference between asking God to do something for me, and seeking His presence within my life and circumstances.  When Jordyn is not sleeping and crying, I can pray for His presence, for patience, for His love – that goes beyond our understanding – to fill me so that I can endure these hard moments. 

In the end I prayed for wisdom.  God, give me wisdom to know what is best for my daughter in every situation.  Wisdom to know when to gently hold her and soothe her, or when to walk away and take a breather.  God, give me your heart for her, that I can love her and care for her the way that You love and care for us.  I know there are going to be lots of hard moments – being a parent, but in all of life too.  God is not going to fix them all, because that’s not what it is about.  God is much more about relationship than quick fixes or instant answers.  So now I often pray for wisdom, inner strength, love, patience, and most of all an awareness of His presence in me each moment.