Going Without

According to the Weather Network, a mammoth of a storm is on its way, one that could produce 60-100 km winds that could take down many trees, enough rain to cause flooding, and the potential for long periods of power outages. I'm quite curious if the storm will live up to the warnings and the hype. Not that I am looking forward to living in those conditions for any length of time, especially with a baby. But there is something anti-climactic when a big storm is predicted, and it passes with little impact.

Last night, Kevin and I were talking about how rough it would be to have no electricity for a few days. We've actually experienced a similar situation recently. In September we were at some good friends for a few days, and their well had run dry. So though there was electricity, there was no running water. We knew this in advance, and decided we were up for the adventure!

Going for a few days without running water is harder than I thought. Our friends drove to a neighbors once a day to fill a barrel full of water. This was used for cooking, drinking, washing dishes.  If we needed hot water it had to be boiled. If we needed to flush a toilet, you would fill a small bucket with rainwater and pour it in. When we needed to bathe our babies, we had to mix boiled water with cold in a basin. If we wanted to shower... hello neighbors!

I have to say I have never been more thankful for running water and warm showers than after that awesome, adventurous vacation!

Now today there is the smallest potential that I could find out what it is like to go without electricity for a little while.  We would have to break out some candles. Throw on our coats to cook over the barbecue on the back deck. Layer ourselves with sweaters, socks and blankets. Keep the fridge closed unless absolutely necessary.

I know I seriously take these luxuries for granted every day. Going without for any period of time is a wonderful practice in proper perspective and thankfulness.

What would be hardest for you to do without for a few days?

Uphill Climb

When I was in high school I hated walking home from school in the winter.  That twenty minutes trudging through the snow, enduring the cold wind in my face was not one of my favourite times of day.  I remember I would make up games in my mind to help distract myself from the cold and make the walk seem shorter.  I would guess how many steps I would take from one block to the next, and then count them!  My sister and I would talk about warm things hoping we could somehow draw on the mental images to warm us up - hot chocolate, hot tubs, laying on the beach...

The other day I drew on these memories while on a walk with Jordyn.  I had been downtown doing some errands.  The stroller was loaded up with groceries as well as my beautiful baby girl.  I had accomplished what I needed to do, and was on my way home.  Now, our home is in a spot where no matter which way you travel to it, you have to climb a pretty major hill to get there.  I was standing at the bottom of one of these hills, looking to the top some six blocks away.  And I was just tired, having no desire to push my loaded stroller up this hill and home.  So I decided to think of something I could do to distract myself from the climb.  I decided that rather than focusing on the top of this hill, I would focus on things along the way.  I just have to make it to that telephone poll.  I just have to make it to the edge of that driveway.  Now to that beautiful red tree. Now to that next house...  My little game worked, and before I knew it, there I was at the top of the hill, almost home!  

Hebrews 12:1-2 says, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. ² We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith..."  

I love these verses, and thought of them while battling my tiredness to get up that hill.  Keep our eyes on Jesus.  Run with endurance.  However, I began to think...  If I'm fixing my eyes on Jesus, would that not be like fixing my eyes on the top of the hill?  Isn't Jesus my destination?

It is true, that Jesus is at the destination of my life.  That the inheritance of eternal life I have  received because of His love is all about Him, worshiping Him, enjoying Him.  Heaven will be centered on His glory!

But Jesus isn't only at the destination.  Jesus is with me along the way.  There are times in life where I feel like I'm living by saying, I just need to make it to next week.  I just need to make it past that major event, through this busy time, to the end of the crisis...  I just need to make it through today.  But I can still keep my eyes on Jesus in this.  Jesus is there in each mile marker of life, in the hard events, in the painful anniversaries.  Jesus is there when all I can do is put one foot in front of the other until the next day comes.  

So we can look to the top of the hill, and Jesus is there.  And we can look to the next significant moment we need to pass, and Jesus is there.  We can keep our eyes on Him in each moment of life. 

Giving Thanks

Today I am thankful for...

• Christ in me - freedom, peace, life, light, burdens lifted, hope, worship
• My husband - loving, faithful, hard working, tender-hearted, easy going, fun loving
• My daughter - beautiful, sweet, smiles, giggles, discovery, life, love
• My family - over-the-top loving parents, best friend for a sister, loving brother-in-law, gorgeous, silly, wonderful nieces
• My husbands family - The care and love of his parents, awesome adventurous sister-in-law, big, tough, but soft-hearted brother-in-law
• My Church family - encouragement, support, prayers, worshiping together, serving together, doing life together
• Nature - Mountains, fall leaves, thunderstorms, flowers, wind, clouds, rivers, sunshine, on and on and on...
• Technology - Skype, email, digital pictures, ipods, ipads, or even just electricity, running water, heated homes
• Food - again, on and on and on...  but specifically grapes, hot chocolate, cheese, yogurt with granola, cheesecake, oranges
• Memories - of my grandfather who passed away 11 years ago today, of holidays, of God-moments, of being a kid, of falling in love

Music is to exercise...

...what the mountains are to hiking

...what chocolate is to a granola bar

...what a beautiful sunrise is to waking up

...what a thankful customer is to working

...what passing is to taking an exam

More on Surrender

A few weeks ago on two separate occasions I heard some very impacting words that have continued my thinking of this theme of surrender.  One was a quote in a sermon preached by Andy Luchies - which you can listen to Here.  One is a line from a song titled Dawn to Dusk written by All Sons and Daughters - which you can preview Here.  The paraphrased quote and song lyric go as follows:

The pain of discipline is more bearable than the pain of regret.  

Tomorrow's freedom is today's surrender.

Both of these hit a nerve with me, and really they feel like two sides of the same coin.  I can choose to listen to God, to surrender my selfishness and pride, let go of my own will, submit to and endure His discipline to ultimately find freedom.  Or I can shut out God's voice, stay in my selfishness and pride, hold on to what I want, choosing momentary pleasure but ultimately feel the pain of regret.  

This also seems like it can apply to a vast array of life's struggles.
If I seek financial freedom, today I have to surrender impulse purchases and be disciplined to save.
If I want physical health and freedom, today I need to endure by disciplining my eating habits and enduring through exercise.
If I want freedom from sin, I need to surrender to God in the moment of weakness and let the Holy Spirit work in my heart, mold me day by day to be more like Christ.
And if I want to live in freedom, to live a life wholly devoted to Jesus, it will often take surrender and experiencing that pain of God's discipline, listening to Him and walking with Him.

One thing I love about these quotes is that they acknowledge that surrender is painful.  Discipline, in both senses of the word (practicing a daily discipline, and enduring God's loving correction), is not easy, but often painful.  But I have to agree that enduring that pain is infinitely better than the pain of regret, the pain of not being free.

Redefine Part 2: Surrender vs. Decide

If you have ever heard the same story told by two different people, you know that different perspectives can completely change the outlook on a situation.  For example…

Viewpoints Video

The exact same sequence of events seen from different points of view can make you come to different conclusions.

This is something I have been thinking about when it comes to having a relationship with God.  Do we decide to follow God?  Doesn’t God pursue us?  Love us first before we even know it?  But even still, it is still my choice to follow God, right?

There is a familiar chorus that says, “I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back.”  I feel that many Christians would say that they made a decision to follow Jesus, that after careful thought and consideration, or after a certain clarifying moment in their lives, they decided to commit their lives to God.  And from their perspective, that is how it feels – I was not following God, and then for various reasons, I decided to follow Him.  Though God is obviously a part of this decision, it really puts the responsibility and direction of our relationship with God in our hands.

But from the perspective of looking back on my life, when I take in the sequence of events that I have gone through, it becomes much clearer how active God has been in my life, how He has lead me and guided me with His loving kindness.  He has pursued me with gentleness and love.  He has been patient through my half-hearted growth and He has been faithful despite my erratic devotion.  He has not changed, but has consistently drawn me closer to Himself, wooing me and showing me the depth of His love.  And for my part, I stumble and stammer, sometimes walking with Him, and other times losing my footing. 

Realizing all of this, the idea of “I have decided…” does not seem to be appropriate.  If “decided” is the right word, then I have had to make that decision over and over again.  Yet somehow, I know that I have a relationship with God that is not lost despite my ups and downs. 

I am starting to think a much more appropriate term for the beginning and continuing of my relationship with God is Surrender.  This is still an action on my part, but with much more recognition of God’s hand working in me.  I have surrendered my life to Jesus.  And as I continue to walk imperfectly through this life, I will continue to surrender different aspects of my heart to Him as He leads me, as He molds me and shapes me.  I have surrendered my desire to be the one making decisions but instead desire to have Jesus as Lord and Master.  

Redefine Part 1 : Wisdom vs. Requests

Everyday we all operate out of internal constructs that tell us how life works and how we should live.  We have been taught through life experiences, through other people, through education, and many other influences, that this is how things are.  For example, if someone has continuously had people hurt them - parents, friends, lovers - they learn in their mind and heart that people cannot be trusted, and they begin operating out of this idea.  They close their hearts to love, keep others at arms length, and assume that only they can take care of and provide for themselves.   

There is definitely a danger when these narratives in our lives are false.  We usually end up hurting ourselves or others, and rob ourselves of the fullness of life we could have.  In my own life changing these false ideas has been often difficult, but always worth it in the end.  Sometimes the realization that I am living out of an incorrect view of things is a long uncovering process in my heart, and other times it takes mere seconds to recognize a false narrative for what it is and adopt a new perspective.  Lately I have experienced this a few times, and I want to explore here how these things are being redefined.

Prayer.  How do we pray?  What do we pray for?  I have to admit, like most people I know in the Christian community, it is very easy to pray and ask God to do things for me.  God, please make it not rain on that day we have an outdoor event.  God, please help me do well on my test.  God, please help us drive safely as we travel.  God, please make my baby sleep.

Please make my baby sleep – this is the prayer I was about to pray a few weeks ago when Jordyn was having a really rough day.  But as I was sitting there, holding her, it struck me that she is a baby.  And babies cry.  And cry.  And do not always sleep well.  I cannot expect that every time she is cranky, I can pray, and God will make her sleep. 

So I started to think about what I pray for, and what I should pray for.  There is a big difference between asking God to do something for me, and seeking His presence within my life and circumstances.  When Jordyn is not sleeping and crying, I can pray for His presence, for patience, for His love – that goes beyond our understanding – to fill me so that I can endure these hard moments. 

In the end I prayed for wisdom.  God, give me wisdom to know what is best for my daughter in every situation.  Wisdom to know when to gently hold her and soothe her, or when to walk away and take a breather.  God, give me your heart for her, that I can love her and care for her the way that You love and care for us.  I know there are going to be lots of hard moments – being a parent, but in all of life too.  God is not going to fix them all, because that’s not what it is about.  God is much more about relationship than quick fixes or instant answers.  So now I often pray for wisdom, inner strength, love, patience, and most of all an awareness of His presence in me each moment.