Quiet Space

My life is often not only busy, but noisy.  Not necessarily always physical, outward noise, but inner noise.  Inner noise to me includes everything from my thoughts and worries each day, trying to multi-task, constantly being on the computer, facebook and watching tv or movies.  Noise.  Even if I'm in a quiet room, often my mind is full of noise.  


This noise drowns out my hearts movements, as well as the Spirit's voice in my life. This is one reason that lately I have been pursuing what I am calling Quiet Space.  


Now, many Christians try to have a "quiet time" which usually means trying to carve out a small or large piece of time each day to read the bible, reflect, and pray.  This is great, but this is not what I'm talking about exactly.  Since January I have only actually experienced this quiet space twice, and both times were prompted by God's Spirit, not my own desire and decision to make it happen.  It was not me saying that I was going to take a half hour to be quiet with God, but it was Him nudging me to drop what I was doing and come be with Him.  And both times were profoundly enriching and restoring to my soul.  


It is as if there is a first level of being in a physically quiet place, then a deeper level of quieting the heart and mind, and this quiet space is even deeper in that my soul itself is quiet.  I think this is why it is not a daily experience as it is very hard to get to this place.  But it makes me hungry for more of this vulnerability and quiet before my Creator and Saviour.  To be fully present in my entire being with Him, with no agenda or timeframe, but to just be with Him, open and listening.


For years I have been asking God for more of Himself.  I feel this is part of the answer to that prayer, and its not what I expected, but it is so good.

Early Spring

This morning I am thankful for...

• Waking up on time and feeling rested, especially in a period of life lately where I am always tired and cannot seem to get enough sleep
• The symphony of early morning birds outside our windows
• Being able to have the windows open in March!
• Baby kicks - which will probably continue to be on every thankful list until June!

Appreciation

Today at work I helped a customer via email find the right part number for a fridge part they had broken and got the shipment out today for her.  This is a very normal part of my day - talking with people, making sure it is the right part, and getting it out as quickly as possible.  But after everything was settled, she emailed back saying that this was the best service she had ever experienced for a matter like this.  She asked me to pass along the compliment to my supervisor.

That just made my day, I have to be honest.  I realized from how surprised I was from this customers appreciation that in general people do not express gratitude to each other.  More often than not, we take each other for granted or only speak up to someone when we are upset.

I try to offer great service no matter who I am dealing with, to treat each customer with respect, friendliness and prompt service.  But very seldom is this effort recognized by the customer (by my co-workers, yes, we encourage each other and value each others work). This made me wonder two things.

First, what is it in us that overlooks saying thanks?  Perhaps we are so busy and filled with mental noise that nothing else can reach us except what is urgent and demanding our attention in our own lives.  We are so pre-occupied that we fail to recognize that we interact with other humans beings with emotions.  Especially if someone is providing a service for us, we see them as doing their job and forget that they may be doing their very best and may be in need of encouragement.

Second, who do I overlook?  Who do I encounter throughout my day or week that I could be speaking words of life into, but instead I just pass by? There is a cashier that I often get in the grocery store that is always very pleasant and friendly.  One of the ladies at a company we work with is always very prompt and goes above and beyond to help our customers.  There are people in my church who are amazing behind the scenes volunteers who clean, stack chairs, make coffee, etc. etc. How often do I recognize these types of people and let them know their hard work is noticed and valued.  

I'm hoping in the next few days I get to make someone else's day the same way this person made my day.

Friday Morning

This morning I am thankful for...

• Good memories created with good friends
• The feeling you get on Friday because you know a weekend is coming
• Having to wear maternity clothes!
• Our unborn babe dancing around inside of me
• A warm house to live in, and being able to look outside at the beautiful falling snow
• Having an amazing workplace to go to each day, and not getting that dreaded "I don't want to go to work" feeling

Winter Beauty

As much as I am fine with our never-started winter being over, and moving on to spring and summer - I cannot deny this was a beautiful morning.

Unfailing Love

Time for a mini-sermon blog style??  I think so!  Seriously though, I am so grateful for the times when reading God's Word comes to life and you see things you have never seen before.  I had that experience the other morning and just need to share it here.


One thing I struggle with is finding quiet space with God.  It's something I've been very aware of lately and am consciously working on.  More on that another time...  But the other morning I literally argued with myself over whether I should eat breakfast in front of the computer while checking my email & facebook, or reading the Bible while eating breakfast.  This time, reading the Bible won the fight.  I can't say this happens everytime, but like I said, I'm working on it.  And out of that time of reading, I was just struck by three passages of scripture and the picture of God they present.


Psalm 32:3-5

³ When I refused to confess my sin,
      my body wasted away,
      and I groaned all day long.
 ⁴ Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me.
      My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. 

 ⁵ Finally, I confessed all my sins to you
      and stopped trying to hide my guilt.
   I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the LORD.” 

      And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.  


1 John 1:8-9
 ⁸ If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. ⁹ But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 


Isaiah 1:18
¹⁸ “Come now, let’s settle this,” 
      says the LORD. 
   “Though your sins are like scarlet, 
      I will make them as white as snow. 
   Though they are red like crimson, 
      I will make them as white as wool. 


I read these three passages the other morning in this order - one reminding me of the next.  Three major amazing things stuck out to me from them (as a whole).


We are sinners.  
A lot of people think that God is an angry, wrathful God.  That God is just waiting for us to mess up so he can punish us.  But the thing is, we're already there.  Each one of us is already messed up.  It's not a question, it's a given.


God is not waiting for us to mess up, He's waiting for us to confess
We have all already messed up.  He's not waiting for that, not waiting to punish us.  He is waiting, dying for us to turn to Him, to confess our sins to Him, to stop running from Him.  He is not looking for us to be perfect, He is looking for us to be honest.  To stop trying to deny or hide our guilt.  


God does not hesitate in forgiving us.
In the Psalm passage, the writer is miserable trying to hide his sin, but when he confesses to God, God doesn't think it over, He doesn't hem and haw over what to do.  He forgives!  1 John passage, God is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us.  Isaiah passage, He is just itching to restore us, clean usup, even to the point that it feels like He jumps the gun a bit.  It is like He is so ready to forgive that He says to us - whatever it is you have done, I want to make you pure again, I delight in making you new and whole again.


When we confess, we are forgiven!  Yes!  But here's the thing - it's our choice to make.  In the Psalm and 1 John passages, when we choose not to confess our sins to God - we'll end up miserable.  We are lying to ourselves and it will have an impact on our emotional, physical and spiritual well being.  God is waiting with unfailing love, with open arms, more than ready to forgive us.  But we have to go to Him and admit it - I've rebelled against you, I have sinned, I am broken.  And when we do, that's when He goes - Yes!  My child, you are forgiven, let me make you new again!


Can we see His heart?  Can we hear Him drawing us to Himself, not with a tone of disappointment, but of love and longing?  

Pregnancy and Doubt

Two posts back I introduced our new baby to the world via ultrasound picture.  I titled that post "Faith Made Sight", but didn't take the time to explain what I meant by that.  

It took me a very long time to actually believe I was pregnant.  At the very first, you cannot feel anything, and all you have is this little store bought device telling you that something monumental is starting to happen inside your body.  Then slowly, over the weeks, things start changing.  The constant urge to toss your cookies becomes an ever-present, and unwelcome companion.  You miss, one, two, then three periods.  Your clothes that were a little loose, start fitting properly, then start being tight.  But through all of this, I would often say to Kevin - what if I'm wrong, what if this isn't happening?  What if I'm crazy?!  It is just such a surreal experience that even with the very evident pregnancy signs that were taking place, I had a hard time believing it.  I went for my first doctors appointment, and one of the most affirming things happened - I got to hear the baby's heartbeat.  Second appointment, same thing, heart beat, measuring well...  But for some reason I do not think I was entirely convinced until I got to see this little person on that ultrasound screen.  It was there!  It was moving!  I could see it's heart beating!  I guess I'm really pregnant!

As Kevin experienced all of this with me, I think he just laughed at my pregnancy doubt.  How could something that was so obviously true and happening, be hard for me to believe?

One night I turned to him and said - Doubting pregnancy is like doubting God.  You can keep experiencing things that show you how real God is, and yet the next moment, be questioning if it really happened, if you're not just making it up.  God speaks to us, cares for us, leads us.  His Spirit prompts us and moves us.  But we don't always know how to hear, to recognize Him.  Once in a while, His Spirit gets through to our spirit - through quiet, through the Word, through a song or a sermon, through nature - and we know He is real, He is moving in us and around us.  We know it.  But days later, whether from busyness, social media noise, stress, loneliness or anything else, we are not so sure anymore.  God didn't speak to me, did He?  He's not really trying to walk with me...

It was pretty amazing to see this baby on that ultrasound screen - shaky faith made sight.  And I can't wait to meet this baby in June.  One day we will get to see the Lord face to face - but for now we have His Spirit working in us and around us, His Word teaching us how to hear Him, and each other to press one another on in following Him, in having faith and holding onto the moments we recognize Him in our lives.